You can only change you

by Betty Lochner on January 28, 2012

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. – Alan Cohen

I’ve been married for 34 years and, believe me, I have tried to change my husband to be more like me, or at least to get him to do what I want him to.

Guess what I’ve learned? It’s not going to happen.

But, I can work on me. I can learn to communicate better and I can practice what I already know. Although it takes two people to allow a relationship to work, it only takes one to change it for the better (or to make it worse).

We all know that it is easier to find the flaws in others than to deal with our own. And, it is certainly easier to work on other people’s “stuff” than our own issues. When things go south in a conversation, it is easy to see what the other person did wrong instead of focusing on how we contributed to the problem.

Unfortunately, when you blame others, you remain ignorant about what you can do differently to bring about a better result. When you try to change others, you give up your power, your control, and your ability to change the outcome.

So, the bottom line is – give it up! You aren’t going to be successful changing anyone but yourself.  Work on having the courage to do something different and to embrace making  positive changes in you.

Small changes in how you respond to situations will make a huge difference in your relationships at work and at home.



Betty Lochner
Betty Lochner is the Owner of Cornerstone Coaching & Training. She specializes in personal and organizational transformation and is the author of Dancing with Strangers: Communication skills for transforming your life at work and at home.  She is also the director of Washington’s 529 Prepaid Tuition Program.To find out more about Cornerstone’s services and offerings visit:

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